By Abby Aldrich
Blake Barbee grew up fearing her own and her family’s death on a regular basis.
A sophomore animal science major at Texas Tech, Barbee had an alcoholic and cocaine-addicted father.
“No matter what we did, it was always wrong, and therefore he always sought out discipline in very hands-on abuse,” she said. “There’s multiple times where I believed that my mom, my two brothers, and I were not going to make it out alive.”
October is known as Domestic Violence Awareness Month because every minute, 20 people in the U.S. are physically abused by an intimate partner. Every nine seconds, a woman is assaulted or beaten.
Intimate partner violence happens behind closed doors every single day in Lubbock as well. Women’s Protective Services of Lubbock is all too familiar with it.
A county map of intimate partner violence deaths in Texas in 2014. Source: Texas Council on Family Violence.
Kimberly Reid, the facility’s counselor, works daily with domestic violence survivors.
“These are very real dangers and problems,” Reid said. “I like being a part of this stepping stone that offers people safety and a time to get on their feet.”
The community-based nonprofit specializes in domestic violence advocacy in 12 West Texas counties. It offers support groups, children’s programs, community education and a 24-hour hotline, along with shelter, food, clothing and transportation for those trying to escape abuse.
“Some of the women will say that it’s not fair because their abuser is out there with all of this freedom, but they are in jail because they don’t feel safe enough to leave,” Reid said. “They feel as if they are the ones paying for what this other person did.”
The emergency shelter serves both men and women, but men are not allowed to stay at the shelter. Instead, they are placed in a hotel room and given food and referrals to safe locations.
Sandlin Stavinoha, vice president of philanthropy for Alpha Chi Omega who works with children at the shelter, said being at the WPS made her see domestic violence’s ripple effect, beyond the victims’ lives.
“It also affects their children, family, and ultimately the community because all of these children are seeing first-hand abuse,” she said. “They are seeing their mom or dad physically abusing someone or belittling them. If they continue living and seeing this every single day, when the children get older, they might think that is normal and they’ll go out and do it.”
This is what happened to Barbee. At 17, she found herself in the same situation again.
In love with her high school’s football hero, she was under his thumb in almost every aspect of life. He controlled her social media accounts and made her delete all male friends, including her family. He also forced sexual interactions.
Control was the tell-tale sign. But like in many controlling relationships, physical violence did not occur right away.
“I should’ve known something was up after all this started,” Barbee said. “It wasn’t till the ending of my relationship did he actually put his hands on me. After a party one weekend, I was trying to leave before he was ready and he was not happy. We started arguing, and he started yelling. I then began to try and walk off from him, and he grabbed my arm, and he threw me into the side of a brick house. After that, I was done.”
But not all victims manage to leave or seek help because of shame and fear.
“It is a very scary situation,” Barbee said. “It could be life or death, depending on the situation. Women think if they don’t talk about, it will go away.”
Stavinoha said it is up to communities to open their eyes to the problem.
“We need to stop the cycle by being a positive influence in the kids’ lives, and loving on the moms,” Stavinoha said. “We need to show them that they are worth something.”
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