Students can view Title IX resources and officers by visiting the Texas Tech University Title IX homepage.
By Elizabeth Herbert
Managing relationships presents newfound difficulties due to the societal consequences of the COVID-19 pandemic.
Kelsey Lueck, program manager for violence prevention and peer educator advisor for Texas Tech University’s Risk Intervention and Safety Education Office, said one may want to use self-isolation as an opportunity to work on communication through means such as texts, video conferences and written letters.
“I think this is a great time to practice communication on all the different forms,” she said.
Unhealthy behavior in relationships is often hard to recognize, and Lueck said toxic behavior is sometimes misinterpreted as a one-time occurence. It may be a red flag if one is excusing things not tolerated in others.
“Since our society has not been taught education about what a toxic or unhealthy relationship looks like, oftentimes people will say, ‘Oh, well, I’m just getting to know them; maybe this won’t happen all the time,’” she said, “but they’ll make excuses for maybe somebody’s behavior.”
Every relationship has its ups and downs, Lueck said. No one should be made to feel uneasy with their partner.
“The number one way to tell if you’re in an unhealthy or toxic relationship is if you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around this person,” Lueck said. “They’re unpredictable, or their behavior is risky, or you feel like you yourself are in danger.”
Although COVID-19 has led to various restrictions, Lueck said one should put themselves in the safest position possible.
“Just because we’re in quarantine or like, this is all going on, doesn’t mean that you have to put your safety plan or getting out of an unhealthy relationship on hold until this is over,” she said. “You should never wait on getting yourself into a safe situation, no matter what’s going on.”
Boundaries are important for healthy relationships, and Lueck said people should be open about what works and what does not. One may want to schedule discussion times with their partner or consider when would be an appropriate time to speak intimately.
“So, you know, take a look at what ways are you letting the world interact and take your energy and what ways has that been transferred from maybe seeing a person face-to-face,” she said.
John Cleary, junior electrical engineering major from Richardson, Texas, takes in a moment of solitude.
Understanding one’s personal preferences can help their relationship, she said. Masturbation is a way to understand one’s preferred touch, which people seem to be doing while social-distancing.
Pornhub, a pornographic video sharing website, reported visitor traffic increases in the United States since shelter-in-place orders took effect. The highest such spike in traffic was a 41.5 percent increase on March 25, according to Pornhub Insights.
Although pornography and masturbation can help one understand personal preferences, Lueck said what one views online and what one experiences in-person are two different things, especially when it comes to consent and sharing boundaries.
“Masturbation is great for your own knowledge,” she said, “but it is not great for expectations of what culture will be like.”
People in unhealthy relationships have access to resources such as online coaching, Title IX officers and members of the RISE office. One can also contact the RISE office crisis helpline at 806-742-5555 to receive support either for themselves or someone else, such as a family member they are isolating with.
“We’ll be able to get you connected with whatever type of resource you need to help get through whatever you’re getting through or to get assistance for a safety plan,” she said. “We know that this a perfect time for people to figure out if the relationship they’re in is healthy or not, so we want to help.”
Although working remotely, Title IX Case Manager for Texas Tech University Meredith Holden said Title IX employees fulfill the same responsibilities as usual and can help students in a variety of ways such as by conducting investigations, additional follow-ups, connecting students with a counselor and communicating with one’s professors if necessary.
“Honestly, our process hasn’t changed much, other than we’re not physically there,” she said. According to the Centers for Disease Control, several factors contribute to intimate partner violence, and those that combat violence, such as community involvement and social support, may be difficult to maintain when isolating. Holden said she has been receiving Title IX reports, but that she thinks more people are speaking up, not that more people are being harmed.
“Our numbers have skyrocketed because people are reporting everything,” she said. “I don’t think that it’s happening more, necessarily – I think that it’s just people are reporting more.”
Students can view Title IX resources and officers by visiting the Texas Tech University Title IX homepage. People may choose to report incidents for many reasons, one of which Holden said is an awareness of resource availability.
“I think students are realizing that they can get connected with those resources, more than just talk about what has happened to them or what is currently happening to them,” she said, “and so, I think more people are reaching out to us, knowing that we can assist students without them having to share those specific details.”
Listed above are ten signs of an unhealthy relationship according to One Love Foundation, a nonprofit that works to teach the principles of healthy relationships.
Every person and case is different, but one thing Holden said anyone can do to help is listen without judgement.
“It’s hard to know what to say or how to help them but I think, more than anything,” she said, “just knowing if somebody comes to you, the bigger thing is knowing that they trust you enough and they feel safe with you, so just do what you can to support them.”
About Reece Nations, Managing Editor
