WARNING: This post contains spoilers. Please proceed with caution.
This week on AHS…
So, Bloody Face is still terrorizing the poor newlyweds, Teresa and one-armed Leo. Though he’s had his arm cut off and was stabbed repeatedly, Leo musters enough strength to charge at Bloody Face to make some kind of distraction while his sexy lady stabs him, like, 1,000 times. She grabs Leo and they make a run for it when BAM! They run into TWO MORE BLOODY FACES! WHAT?!
One Bloody Face shoots Leo and Teresa, and just like that Adam Levine and Jenna Dewan-Tatum are no more. We didn’t even get to see Adam’s rock hard abs! Shame.
The two Bloody Faces come face-to-face with each other, when one pulls off the mask and it turns out the two extra BF’s are just some teenage boys that take a prank one step too far.
What’s this? Another Bloody Face pops up behind these two and runs them off … What. Is. Happening.
Off to 1964 we go!
Sister Mary Eunice, aka the demon, brings Sister Jude the morning paper, which just so happens to be from the day after she hit the little girl with a car during a drunken night out on the town 15 years ago.
Sister Jude was like, ‘Where the hell did you get this?’ except she didn’t say hell because she’s a nun.
Because a big storm was coming, Sister Jude decided to host a movie viewing at the asylum to distract the patients from what’s going on outside. She picks the film “The Sign of The Cross,” a story about a forbidden love between a Christian woman and a Roman military officer. In the film, this guy is supposed to hunt and gather all Christians after the emperor decides they are to blame for the burning of Rome. Interesting…
After Sister Mary Eunice makes the announcement of a movie night, a woman, known as “The Mexican,” starts to speak in spanish, calling the Sister “Satan.”
HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!
Sister Mary Eunice whips out her firetruck-red lipstick, and tries to convince Sister Jude to drink some of the Jesus wine. Sister Jude reluctantly says no before taking a rag to Sister Mary Eunice’s face to wipe off her sexy lipstick.
Dr. Arden tries to figure out what the hell came out of Kit’s neck during their last visit. While he’s pretty sure Kit is a spy for the KGB or something, he decides to put the bug back where he found it – in Kit’s neck.
Meanwhile, Sister Mary Eunice visits The Mexican in her cell. As soon as she sees the Sister, she starts to freak and ramble on in Spanish. The Sister makes The Mexican get down on her knees next to her bed to pray with her. JOKES. She gets her on the ground and begins to pray before stabbing The Mexican in the neck.
Like a good little sidekick or slave person would do, she drags The Mexican’s body outside to the woods for the weird creatures that belong to Dr. Arden. YUM!
Then there’s a weird scene where Sister Mary Eunice flashes her … um … “mossy bank” to Dr. Arden. He responds by slapping the holy spirit out of her.
Lana turns to Dr. Threadson to find a way out of Briarcliff. She gives him the address of her lady love, which we know met her fate by Bloody Face. For now, Dr. Threadson appears to be the only good guy around, but can we really trust him?!
Ring, ring, Sister Jude. You’re past is calling.
Sister Jude recieves a phone call from someone, probably Mrs. Devil, who seemed to be the little girl she killed 15 years ago. All the emotion came flooding back, sending the Sister into a tornado of emotion of wine.
Sister Jude shows up to the movie viewing stumbling around like a sloppy sorority girl after some 80’s neon foam party. She’s crying and laughing while rambling on and on until she declared she was going to go find “that goddamn Mexican,” and peaced out.
Oddly enough, no one thinks anything of Sister Jude’s weird rambling, and they continue on with their movie. Dr. Threadson sits next to Lana and tells her he thinks her lady friend is probably dead, and the killer is still on the loose. Oh, OK, cool.
While Sister Jude is tapped out, Lana, Kit, Grace, and Shelley decide tonight is the night to attempt to escape from the asylum. But, wait! A guard wanders upon the group when Shelly volunteers herself to distract the orderly by doing what she does best.
Meanwhile, Dr. Arden is drawing on a white statue of Madonna (the Catholic one, not the Kabahla one) with bright red, “whore” lipstick. Then he breaks it. I’m sure there’s some grandiose meaning behind this, but I think it went over my head.
As Sister Jude wanders around the asylum, a creepy shadowy thing is running around behind her back, so we know it’s going to be something that makes our skin crawl. What we didn’t know was that it was one of Kit’s old friends, an alien!
So, the aliens are real and Kit’s innocent? Who knows!
The three amigos make it outside while Shelly is still taking care of business inside. While they feel the rain and take a second to appreciate mother nature and fresh air, some of Dr. Arden’s monsters charge the escapees.
Before Sister Mary Eunice wakes Sister Jude to tell her some of the patients are missing, Kit, Lana, and Grace find their way back to the movie viewing, soaking wet and completely inconspicuous.
I know what you’re thinking, where’s the heck is Shelley?! Well, Dr. Arden happens upon Shelley doing her thing with the orderly, and we all know how much Dr. A hates it when girls act a little slutty! Dr. A snags Shelley and takes her back to his medical dungeon and tries to RAPE her. What! Why?! She fights back hard enough to turn around and see that he’s having technical difficulties downstairs. What does she do instead of run? SHE LAUGHS. Right in his face! Dumb! So, obviously, Dr. A gets super pissed and grabs a paperweight near by and knocks her out.
When Shelley wakes up, her legs are gone. GONE. Can you imagine?
That was this week … I can’t believe they make us wait and entire week to see what’s going to happen next!