Magnificent Moms: Students Balance School, Parenting

Alyssa Haden said she never would have guessed she would be in this situation at 25 years old.

“Liam was not planned,” Haden said about her 2-year-old son with a laugh.

Some students struggle to succeed in college as it is. For students with kids, it becomes even more difficult to balance school, parenthood and a social life.

Haden is a senior electronic media and communications major originally from Ransom Canyon, Texas. She said she grew up religious and thought marrying a man pursuing ministry is what she was supposed to do. She married her now ex-husband in 2011.

Haden and her son, Liam. Picture from Alyssa Haden's Facebook.

Haden and her son, Liam. Picture from Alyssa Haden’s Facebook.

“I met my ex-husband while he was leading worship,” Haden said. “We were that powerhouse couple for a little bit. I loved it. But, behind closed doors once we got married, he was a monster.”

Haden said her husband was abusive, emotionally, mentally and physically. After only a few months of marriage, Haden’s husband attempted to strangle her three times while arguing, she said. She knew then she could not stay with him any longer. She left and encouraged her husband to get therapy.

But, then things got even more complicated for Haden.

“I found out I was pregnant kind of at the beginning of this process,” Haden said, “and he thought that since I was pregnant, I would forget about therapy; I would forget about my standards. But actually, it made me stick to them even more because I wasn’t going to raise a child in this environment.”

In Texas, most courts will not grant a divorce if the woman is pregnant. Even then, there is usually a 60-day waiting period from the date the petition for divorce is filed before a judge will grant a final divorce decree.

Because she was pregnant, Haden said, many lawyers would not take on her case. Eventually, Texas Tech Legal Services helped Haden. About six months after her son Liam was born, Haden was finally divorced.

Although Haden said had a great experience with Legal Services, she did struggle with other departments on campus, particularly during her pregnancy. Haden said she requested a parking spot closer to the College of Media & Communication but was told she was not far enough along in her pregnancy to get one. According to the Texas Tech Parking and Transportation website, expectant mother parking is generally granted six to twelve weeks before the baby’s due date.

Haden took some time off from school to bond with her son, and she will graduate in May. She said most teachers have been very kind and accommodating, but some are not as understanding. Being a single mom poses different struggles than most students face, and Haden said some professors just do not understand.

Lemons and Riley. Picture courtesy of Chelsea Lemons's Facebook.

Lemons and Riley. Picture courtesy of Chelsea Lemons’s Facebook.

Chelsea Lemons, mom to one-year-old Riley and a junior landscape architecture major from Lubbock, said it is not always easy — even when you have a partner helping you.

Lemons and her fiancé, Zach Kuykendall, an environment and humanities major also from Lubbock, have been together since high school. Lemons said Riley was not planned, but she is glad she was born when she was.

“I’m so exhausted, and I’m 22. I can’t imagine doing this older,” Lemons said. “Like, you know, older couples when they have children really late, it’s like ‘oh my gosh, I’m so exhausted now.’ I can’t imagine waiting longer.”

Lemons said it is sometimes difficult to juggle all of her responsibilities. She said her parents and Kuykendall’s parents are always willing to help and love to babysit any chance they get. She said she is glad she has a strong support system.

“Sometimes it’s easy, and sometimes it’s really crazy difficult,” Lemons said. “Like when all of your professors suddenly decide you’re all going to have something due on the same day, same week, whatever.”

Lemons explained having a routine down is key to being a successful student and parent. She said Riley goes to daycare during the day, which gives the young parents time to attend classes and do homework. Lemons tries to get all of her work done during the day, so she can spend time with her family at night.

Lemons had a positive experience of being pregnant at Texas Tech. She said her professors were very accommodating, with one allowing her to write a comprehensive paper instead of doing a group project. She said the hardest part of being pregnant while in school was simply getting there.

Lemons, Kuykendall, and their daughter Riley during her first birthday party.

Lemons, Kuykendall, and their daughter Riley during her first birthday party.

“You know those mornings you wake up, and you don’t want to go to class anyways,” Lemons said, “and then put pregnant, super tired, exhausted on top of that, and you’re just like ‘I just want to quit.’ There were so many days where I was like, ‘Why am I here? What am I doing?’”

Once Lemons had Riley in April, she was able to take two weeks off from class before returning for finals. Lemons spent most of the summer with her newborn daughter and enjoyed it, but she was happy to come back to school in the fall.

Haden and Lemons both said having children before finishing college may not have been in their plans, but they are both thankful it happened.

About Sarah Self-Walbrick

Graduate Executive Director — Mass Communication Graduate Student, Class of 2017
Sarah, a Lubbock native, has two bachelor of art degrees in electronic media and communication and journalism, and is pursuing a master's in mass communications. She loves Texas, her husband and dog, and good storytelling.