RECAP: American Horror Story: Asylum Premiere

 

WARNING: This post contains spoilers. Please proceed with caution.

“Welcome To Briarcliff”

NEW SEASON. NEW STORY.

I’ve been waiting for the new season of “American Horror Story” for months and months so I don’t want to waste any more time!

The first five minutes introduce us to Teresa (Jenna Dewan-Tatum) and Leo (Adam Levine), a couple of present-day horny newlyweds that are into the super dirty and extremely weird. I’m talking, they’re going at it while she’s strapped down on an old gurney in the broke-down insane asylum per her idea. YEAH.

As she gets freaked out, she begs Leo to untie her so they can move along on their creepy tour. They reach a door where Leo reaches through a slot in the door and pretends something grabs his arm to scare his lady. Of course, when he puts his arm back through the window his arm really does get ripped off by an unseen something.

THAT’S ONLY THE FIRST 5 MINUTES!

Meet Kit Walker. He’s a hard workin’ gas attendant in the 1960’s. After a long day’s work, Kit (Evan Peters, the guy who played Tate last season) he heads home to his lovely black wife (her skin color is only worth mentioning because of the time period). After they have a little sexy time in the bedroom, she goes to the kitchen to finish cooking him dinner when BAM! A white light fills up the night sky,  everything in the house is disheveled and before we know it Kit’s pinned against the ceiling. While he’s stuck to the roof, there’s a quick cut to him laying in a white room with something that looks like an alien. Don’t blink or you’ll miss it!

Next we are introduced to Lana Winters (Sarah Paulson). She’s a strong journalist looking for the hard facts. She arrives to the insane asylum to talk to the head nun of the institution, Sister Jude (Jessica Lange). While she’s milling around and taking observations, we meet an asylum patient named Pepper. I kid you not, I yelped when I first saw Pepper. While Pepper is begging Lana to play with her, Sister Mary Eunice (Lily Rabe) intervenes and takes Lana to Sister Jude.

OK, time out.

I had a lot of anticipation built up around what kind of character Jessica Lange was going to play this season. I was so enamored by her as Constance last season that I couldn’t fathom her playing someone not extremely bitchy with a dash of crazy. When I found out she was a nun, I was a little disappointed, but after seeing the first episode, I have to say, I was not let down!

OK, time in!

The first time we see Sister Jude, she has a patient, Shelley (Chloë Sevigny), strapped down and she’s starting to shave her head. I don’t know why and I don’t think it was ever explained.

We cut back to Lana, who just found out she’s about to see an infamous serial killer being brought into the asylum. This killer, known as “Bloody Face,” is said to decapitate and skin women. I’m still not sure if he wears the skin, too. So, who’s this woman-hating serial killer? Why it’s none other than Kit! YES! Though Kit claims he’s not out of his mind, I secretly kind of hope he is because Peter Evans does crazy so well!

Now we meet the doctor of the insane asylum, Dr. Arden (James Cromwell).

Time out.

If you think you’re going to see James Cromwell like he was in Babe, you are sadly mistaken. This guy is all sorts of messed up. He’s not a good doctor.

Time in!

While Sister Jude asks Dr. Arden about the deceased patients and what happened to their bodies, while he says they are cremated the camera cuts to a bloody hand pushing around a bloody bowl of what appears to be chopped up body parts.

As we move deeper into Lana’s story, we find her and a lady friend talking in a dining room and before we know it they’re kissing! That’s right people, we’ve got lesbians!

The next fun twist is with Dr. Arden stabbing Kit in the neck with a needle as he whispers to him, “you don’t belong here, not when there’s still so much to learn” or something along those lines, and then there’s another quick flash to a white room and an alien figure.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN?! Is Dr. Arden the head alien?!

Dr. Arden straps Kit down onto a gurney and rolls him into his lab before putting a weird horse bridal thing onto his head while calmly telling Kit he would prefer not to use anesthesia because it interferes with his “readings.”As Dr. Arden begins his testing, we start to see flashes back and forth between the lab to the white alien room before the doctor pulls a chip out of Kit’s neck when it sprouts legs and runs off the table!

And, no, this is not addressed again in this episode!

Lana, poor dear, goes snooping around the asylum after hours looking for answers about Kit, like any good journalist would do. Unfortunately, Sister Jude catches her in the act and she is not happy. We see Sister Jude standing over Lana strapped down on a patient bed with all sorts of scary head gear on. We think Lana will be rescued when her girlfriend, Wendy (Clea DuVall), comes looking for her, but Sister Jude blackmails Wendy by threatening to expose her and Lana has homosexuals if she didn’t sign Lana’s life away to the asylum. Wendy apparently feels like she has no choice and signs on the dotted line. Sister Jude returns to Lana and promises her they will exercise the “closeted demons” inside her, together.

Finally, we come full circle to Leo lying on the ground, missing one arm, bleeding out as his wife runs to get his cellphone and look for help. While she’s running through the haunted asylum, she bumps into some kind of person or creature that looks burnt or skinned who I assume is Bloody Face! Keep in mind this guy is showing up in 2012 when his prime, so to speak, was in the ’60s.

WHEW! Can you believe it? It’s only the first episode and things are already out of control with frightening awesomeness!

It’s nearly impossible to believe the creator of “Glee” is the same mind behind this show, too. If anyone is the definition of pure television talent, it’s Ryan Murphy.

 

About Sarah Scroggins
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